Watari's Orphanage
by bluesonic115
Summary: It's Watari's birthday which means Ryuzaki has the day off. Unfortunately, Light Yagami has to come with him. Chaos ensures. Read this if you want a good chuckle.


Please take heed that this is a fanfic and isnt meant to be taken seriously. Die hard Death Note fans turn away, because this isnt for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, but if I did...Matt would be a major character!

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"Do I really have to come with you?" The tall, good looking brunette boy asked.

Next to him, the pale black haired man was packing up his suitcase. "Well…from the looks of it Light…" He held his wrist up that was covered with a simple handcuff, connected to Lights own wrist. "You have no choice. Besides, I do this every time on this particular day every year."

Today was Watari's birthday. It was the day the super sleuth L could sit back and relax without having to worry about anything. He needed a break from the Kira case anyway.

"You could just cuff me to Misa or something. I'm sure that would be more torturous than you." Light said. It was plainly obvious that he didn't want to go.

"And let you and Amane escape? I don't think so. Besides, I grew up at the orphanage. It'll be fun." L let out a smile, a bit too cheeky for Light's taste.

'_Damn it…the one day Ryuzaki isn't trying to convict me. I could be trying to stop him right now, but now I'm stuck going to some stupid orphanage.'_

"Watari! You ready to go?" L asked as he and Light stepped into the main computer room of the hotel, where everyone was currently awaiting.

"Oh Light!" The ever so elusive Misa cried out, running towards him, nearly knocking him over with a death hug. "I'm going to miss you SOOOO much!"

"Uh…yeah." He murmured.

"Ryuzaki, I don't think this is such a good idea." Lights dad, Mr. Yagami expressed.

"Yeah, what if something happens? Something important?" The cute and cuddly Matsuda added.

"Nothing's going to happen. Watari and I have it all covered, and me being the mysterious person I am, I'm not going to tell you until some other time, where you'll doubt for ever doubting me." L said, looking towards his old mentor.

"Shall we go then Ryuzaki?"

L smiled and waved quickly at everyone around the room. No one else seemed to be in such a good mood, especially Light Yagami.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The two best friends/mortal enemies sat in the back of a huge stretch limo, while Watari took the front seat and drove.

"You're going to love the orphanage Light. It's where they train children to be as smart as me." L stated.

"Oh really?" Light asked, putting on his fake charade. "That sounds pretty fun."

"Yeah." L pushed a button, and out came a chocolate chip cookie from a compartment that looked like alcohol should occupy. "It's a really great place." He muffled, talking and chewing at the same time.

"Oh I bet. From the way you keep talking about it at least." Light faked a smile and looked out the window to roll his eyes. _'God, this day is gonna suck ba-'_

"Light?"

The brunette hair lad almost snapped at him for disrupting his thoughts, but he kept himself composed and smiled. "What's that Ryuzaki?"

He smirked and closed his eyes. "Nothing!" He cried, turning back towards his window.

'_What the hell was that? Was he just trying to be cute or something?'_

Light decided it was best to ignore it and turned back towards his own window.

After about ten minutes of silence, L gasped and quickly crawled over to Light and pushed him out of the way. "There it is!" He shouted like a ten year old, while Light desperately tried pushing him off of his being.

"Here we are!" Watari exclaimed as he abruptly came to a stop in front of a white manor.

L pushed Light out of the limo, making him almost fall flat on his face. He quickly regained his posture and stared wide eyed at the building.

The place was HUGE. It looked like some rich bastard lived here. There were vast white fountains with perfectly sculpted fish spitting water from their mouths, gleaming brightly with gold and red scales. There were bushels of trees, flowers, and from the looks of it, a beachfront. Light could immediately smell the salty air from the ocean, and sighed. No wonder L was so excited to come here…

Watari and L hooked arms and waltzed towards the entrance, dragging poor Light along with them. As they were coming up to the front door, Light noticed a bronze plaque nailed to the side of the entry engraved: 'Watari's Orphanage. Donated in 1987 by Watari.'

The trio pushed themselves through the revolving doors, Light and L having a bit of a hard time since they were chained together.

"Put a smile on!" L exclaimed. Light had never seen him in such a matter before. Maybe he took something before coming here.

It might be the reason why he's always hunched over, sitting awkwardly, eating sweets, and looking extremely pale.

That's when Light ultimately decided that L was a drug addict.

"Ah! Watari san! Welcome!" A blonde hair girl bowed, standing in front of an elongated desk. Light thought this looked more like a hotel than an orphanage.

"Nice to see you again Football." Watari bowed to her, and turning his attention to L. "I brought Ryuzaki along."

"Hello there Football." He waved briefly, and she waved back.

Neither L nor Watari acknowledge Light to…did they just call her Football?

L yanked on his chain and Light stumbled, trying to keep up with the two who seemed to just start wandering down a random hallway.

"Uh…Ryuzaki? Light began, "Where are we going?"

"To the recreation room of course. Watari has three kids that seem to be almost as smart as me, and they set up a birthday bash for him." He explained.

After passing many doors, which looked like little classrooms to Light, they finally reached the end of the hall. A wall of glass greeted them with a small square for a door. Light searched beyond the glass, revealing a pool hall. In the farthest corner of the room was a table with two guys standing around talking.

"Is that Mello I see?" Watari asked, as all three of them walked in heading towards the two guys.

A blonde haired kid, who looked like a badass yaoi fan boy, ran towards them.

"Watari! And you!" He screamed, pointing at L. "I hate you!" Then, he turned his attention on Light. "I don't know who you are, but you have brown hair! I hate you!"

"He's lovely." L said, looking towards Watari. "He'll make a perfect me."

"Yep, only the finest." Watari replied, as a boy with goggles strapped to his head walked on over.

"Don't mind Mello, he's just pissed that we couldn't get a chocolate cake." He handed the blonde ambition a chocolate bar, and Mello took it without hesitation.

"Hello Matt."

"Oh thank God!" Light cried out, as everyone turned to gaze at him. "Finally! Someone with a normal human name!"

"Um…Light? Your name isn't exactly normal either." The dark haired genius pointed out.

"Yeah, what the hell kind of name is Light? Is your last name Bulb?" Mello sneered.

"No!" Light snapped, pouting as though he was denied his wishes. "It's Yagami!"

"Pfft, Yagami? Sounds like some Yu-Gi-Oh rip off." He took a bite from his chocolate bar, munching like a madman. "Besides," He said, still with chocolate in his mouth. "Backwards it spells out 'I'm a gay."

Light blinked a couple times and his face went red. It is I'm a gay backwards! Thank God his childhood friends were too stupid to realize that...its bad enough they called him 'Light Bulb', 'Neon Light', 'Light Headed', and 'Light Weight.'

He made a mental note to himself to kill his childhood friends. How they taunted him so…

"So, where's our third guest?" Watari asked.

"I killed him!"

"He's coming." Matt stated.

They soon took their seats at a square table, which had six chairs surrounding it and a vanilla birthday cake. Watari just turned eighty-seven, and was still looking quite precocious.

L and Matt had gotten into a deep conversation about some strange video game with a blue character, Watari was talking on his cell that just kept ringing, and Light sat there completely bored out of his mind. It took him a moment before he noticed Mello staring him down.

"Can I help you with something?" He asked.

Mello started picking at the tablecloth, which was plastic and had pictures of presents printed on it. "You wanna earn five bucks?"

Light sighed angrily. "No."

Mello remained silent after that, just gaping at the guy.

'_What the hell is his problem?'_ Light thought, drumming is fingers against the table.

"So Watari…" L began. "Whom are we waiting for?"

The old man's eyes glittered, as his smile further widened. "My last child. He should be here any minute."

Like Déjà vu, Watari was right. The glass doors opened from across the room, where the smallest of the three kids entered. He had shocking white hair, and cloths so baggy that he looked like a clean hobo.

"Near! So glad you can join us!" Watari exclaimed, as the kid walked over.

"Watari, happy birthday." He said in a smooth, child like tone.

Light looked over to L and noticed he was gawking at the boy. He looked to Near again, than back to L, then to Near, then back, then…

"Who the hell is that?" L shouted, his voice vibrating off the walls.

Near gasped. "Daddy!"

He ran to the other side of the table and dished out a full blown tackle on L, making Light fall over in his chair as well.

"Ew!" Mello yelled, getting up from the table and taking a step back. "Affection! Get away!"

"This thing is touching me!" L screamed, as Near started rubbing his head against his chest.

"Daddy?" Light asked, grabbing his head because he thumped it really hard against the floor.

"That's right! This is MY dad!" Near shouted, looking at Light.

Watari laughed. "L, this is your son."

"It can't be!" He stated, pushing Near off of him and standing up. "I'm a virgin!"

"Whoa…" Matt said, looking away.

"I went to the Virgin Islands last year." Mello declared.

"It is your son." Watari said, still smiling.

"That's right! Oh daddy! We have so much to do! We'll go to the park and swing and slide, and then we'll go to the zoo and look at all the animals, then-"

"How can this be? I've never slept with a woman. Is he…a test tube baby?" L asked.

"Nope, remember Misora?"

It took L a minute before things started coming together in his head. Light avoided eye contact with anyone. Misora was that woman he killed, along with her fiancé Ray.

"I've never even met her. I was just working with her." The pale human replied.

"Yeah…remember when you were working on the Los Angelos Murder Case?" Watari began, scratching his chin. "Well, after you solved it-"

"I wrote that book!" Mello cried.

"-You go really drunk, partied with Misora, and…things happened. That is your son. He had to come to the orphanage after Kira killed her."

Light felt bad. He really is a jerk. He didn't even think that Misora or even Ray had kids.

"Man I'm a dick!" He yelled out.

There was an awkward silence.

L sat back down, and so did Mello. Light soon followed, and Near took the last chair next to L and across from Matt. He grabbed L's arm and stated rubbing is head on it.

"Oh dad…" He sighed, as L tried backing away from him. He gave up after awhile and went straight for the cake.

Seems he just decided to accept it. Most likely because he didn't want to end up on some show, hearing someone tell him, "L, you are the father!"

Mello didn't eat any of the cake, watching Light as he ate. Watari continued chatting on the phone and eating at the same time, Matt was normal, and Near wouldn't stop eating mouthfuls of the delicious morsel. He used his hands to eat and shoved huge pieces in his mouth while watching L. Cake and frosting fell all over his clothes and dribbled down his chin, as though he was never taught to eat properly. It was truly disgusting.

Soon, after Near cleaned himself up a bit, all six of them sat on the floor in a circle on the ground, getting ready to hand Watari his presents.

Light also had one for him, and gave his out first.

"Why thank you Light." He opened the pink and purple present (that Misa wrapped or him) and smiled. He held up a small teddy bear that had the words 'I love you' written on his stomach.

'That's the last time Misa buys things.' Light thought furiously, obviously embarrassed by the gift.

"Huh…" Watari said, examining it. "Thanks Light. I love you too."

"My turn!" Mello cried, holding a hand out to Watari. "I got you a handshake."

They shook hands.

Matt gave his present, which was a high definition television, with surround sound. L gave the old guy a can of pepper spray."

"Watari, you're my favorite person." Near said, when it was his turn. "So I decided to give you the best gift of all…Halo 3!"

"Thanks Near." He said, taking it from the young kid.

"Tat gift sucks. " Mello flat out stated.

"Alright everyone, on the count of three." Matt began. "1…2…"

"3!" Everyone cried out in unison.

"Happy Birthday Watari!"

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This has been a SeXY HelPings the Dinosaur production! :3

XXX In memory of Misora and Ray, cause Light is a jerk XXX

The End.

Thanks for reading!


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